En inglés te lo digo ..

It's finally spring! I have no favourite seasons, I like winter when I am fed up of summer, and I adore summer as I get fed up of winter easily. But I have a fondness towards Spring :3 Longer days, longer nights, partying, the flower scent, the sun , ah, living, finally back again. This winter has sucked big time, we've barely seen the sun which is like .. sudden death. I am pale as a ghost & clouds make me feel miserable. What can I say, I am easily affected by the most stupid things .. like weather.

Honestly, I wasn't much in the mood to write in English, but the regular blog & I use is down & I really felt like venting. And this is no much help *sigh*

I have tons of projects for the next years. I do no know if I will sit here & watch them pass by, as I imagine them. But I certainly have the wish to make them come true. I do not want to fill myself with empty hopes as I did in the past, but I have seen lotsa things this year, and I have discovered other many shizzle about me, my friends & my life. Things that I like, things that I love, or things that I hate.

I am turning 26 in a couple of months. Omigod, 26! It feels like I am old. Yesterday I was watching ( more like staring ) at my coworkers seeking traces of age in their faces, asking myself, if the rest of the world does the same with mine. Sometimes I don't care what they think of me, but I don't want people to stare at me the way I stare at them. With my eyes, with my thinking. Am I one of those pitiful girls which I was investigating yesterday, whose life seemed so blah to me? What the hell does make me any different, I thought? I am a freaking clerk like them. And they had their own hopes & wishes as well. But they're 30, 35, 40, 50 ... now, and their hopes were buried as time went by, and before they noticed they were saying 'Ah, if I had your age, so many things I regret ..' That's what crossed my mind yesterday night, but I swear that's not what I regularly think. My best friend Laura was worried yesterday about her biological clock. She's just 25. She doesn't want nor like kids.But she's afraid one day she'll realise she does want kids, but it's already too late for her, because we've been too slow for adult shizzle. Peter Pans all of us. I was worried I'd be 40, pining for my party weekend days, drinking a full bottle of wine all by myself, watching whatever crap I enjoy watching in the future, and thinking that in fact, that was the life I chose. Is it alright, this life I have right now, I asked myself. I am also 25, turning 26. Pablo said, it's the way it is. We have to get used that whatever they've told us before in the past, whatever we've seen in the movies, it's already changing, and we should get used to it. But then, I thought, while I saw my friends laughing about all of our stupid neurosis, yes that's right, this is my choice. Because this is the way I am right *now*. There's no point of thinking of the future, you never know how it'll turn out. I had dreams of how I'd be when I'd turn 26, and none came true :) So rather than that, I thought at some point of september last year, let it go, Georg, live your life, enjoy the present, so you can treasure it in the future as one of the happiest moments of your life, as you do with the time when you were 16. And so that's what I have been doing.All it matters is the present & the past. So we learn about our mistakes, and mend them as we live, however we choose to. So this year I am celebrating I am turning 26 XD I am celebrating I am in good health. I am celebrating that I have a family besides me , which decided to go into the mysterious path of parenthood 26 years ago, and gave me this life to live it as I wished to. To be so fortunate to have the most generous & kind friends on earth, who were by my side despite my own selfish self. I celebrate that all the people I love are in good health, and so are their families, since it's all a tangled web of care. I celebrate I've had a different year, that I matured a bit, I think. I celebrate that for once, I want to become a better person, for the sake of those I care, and for my own sake. I celebrate the changes of my life, as tiny as they've been. Because they make a huge difference for me.

With that said, is there anything else to be upset for? XD I can surely ask for more, hope for more. But this time I am also grateful. I won't let you all down by not feeling happy for all we've shared. As I am happy. I complain too much, I think, and I don't say it enough when I am happy XD

Anyway, cheers, Spring is here. Summer will come soon. And better times await for us ~